Lady Beth and I have, beyond any shadow of any doubt, one of the most unique marriages anywhere.
No, we are not involved in any weird sexual escapades nor are we “open” in our marriage vows. Therefore all of you pervs looking for a thrill can buzz off now. What we *do* have is a home where what is *normal* is out of kilter with our neighbors. First, our pets…
As you know, we have two cats, four dogs, two geckos, two pythons, a boa constrictor, and a disabled bearded dragon. We have also been known to take in strays of all kinds and find them homes. We are starting a *Reptile Rescue* and are on ARF’s list of foster homes. Oh! Don’t forget the three kids under 5 years of age. With all of this our days are kind of odd.
Consider a *normal* weekday morning… We all get up around 6:15 AM and lets the Shih-Tzus and the Lab out to potty. Turn on the day lamps to all the reptiles, feed the indoor and outdoor dogs. Ditto cats. Sarah has to be readied for school while Lady Beth feeds the strange creatures in her saltwater aquarium brine shrimp and chopped clams. The twins go to the bathroom and compare pee-pee style and then demand breakfast – either a pop-tart, Eggos, or oatmeal, (Provided there is no cold pizza around. It’s everyone’s fav.) Someone magically makes Sarah’s snack for school and I fix her hair. (She says I’m the best hair-brusher in the world… So does her Mom!) Everyone gets something to drink and I read my email while Beth gets dressed. Then she reads hers while I get going. When this is all done Lady Beth takes Sarah off to school while Jack crys and says “Mom, I will miss you.” even though she will be back in five minutes. (And yes, Jack does talk like that. Just like Commander Data from Star Trek TNG, he does not use contractions in his speech. Just simply won’t.) When Beth comes home the boys watch Blue’s Clues while we talk about our day and hold hands before she goes to work.
At least that is the plan… Plans are made for destruction, though… And in our house they don’t stand a chance.
Today was different. First, it is Saturday. More, it is a Saturday when Beth’s ex has the kids. She still goes to work, but that just means I’ll be lonely all day without the kids to play with and watch over. This morning we were watching the tube and having a bite to eat when I heard something like a *meow* or a *chirp* coming from the fireplace. I look at Beth and she’s looking at me. We walk over there and open the doors on the insert.
~listen~
*Scratch, scratch, scratch!* We look at each other again. Could it be a squirrel? I immediately started singing “The Day the Squirrel Went to Church“. Beth is looking deep into the fireplace as I went for the flashlight. Then she said “It’s a bird!” Cool! At least it’s not our cat Inanna.
The next thing I heard was “BIRD IN THE HOUSE! BIRD IN THE HOUSE!” A starling had launched itself out of the fireplace and was buzzing the house. Fortunately we had put all the dogs outside, but the Manx cat Karma was going goofy. After a couple of rounds I managed to get the critter to fly out the now open front door. Well, that made for some good laughs… Then we realized we were not done yet. There was a second bird in the fireplace…
We left the door open and went on with our chores. I was cleaning the kitchen and Beth went back to get ready for work. Next thing I know I hear *flutter, flutter, flutter* as the second bird exited the fireplace. This time I got to say “BIRD IN THE HOUSE! BIRD IN THE HOUSE!“, but had to quickly amend it with “IT’S HEADED YOUR WAY!“.
That’s when it happened.
Beth had just stepped out into the hallway to hear what I was saying, dressed in only a pair of undies, as this starling landed on her head. What a hoot!! I got to see a real beauty dancing topless through the house and chasing this bird. Man, my wife is stunningly beautiful!
Forgot the front door was wide open though.
Happy to say I got to the door before anything was revealed to the neighborhood. But for a moment there I wondered which one was going to leave the house first. I caught the bird and let it out with no harm. And to be honest, Lady Beth handled it all well. I just like to make a cute story when I can. One thing is certain, we will have a bunch of great laughs about it and I bet at midnight tonight we’ll be in bed laughing so hard it hurts.
It is a strange life.
But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. We are both enjoying the happiest times of our lives, and we laugh every day. Is there any better medicine out there?
Omar, out.
and second, I think it is hilarious that your son talks like Cmdr. Data. har!