2005 April | The Bull Speaks!

Herp Humor

I love my dogs. But there is something even nicer about reptiles and reptile humor. Take this from the folks at N.E.R.D.…

Omar, out.

My Mother-in-Law, Debbie, sent this to me this morning. Now normally I’d be over at Snopes.com checking the validity of it before posting here. However, these are so incredibly stupid that they must be true! If not, who cares?
Enjoy!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I’m wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out
of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired
of it.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Hi, is this the Police?
Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook
a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?
Caller: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering…..does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on
their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I’ve spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains
on my tires and… well.. do you think the Fire Dept. could come over
and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have
an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is……….

Dispatcher: 9 -1-1
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath.
Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn……
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

Ahh… Stupidity.
I enjoy posting these things. Makes me feel somewhat better about my own abilities. I bet I’m not alone!
Omar, out.

Did you even notice?

It’s a busy Life we lead.

Sometimes it is too busy. Take today for example. The grass needed to be cut, (It always needs cutting in Mobile, AL!). Both of the Great Danes had to go in to the vet for shots. The twins decided to get into everything today. Sarah, (4 yrs old), decided to assert her authority in the household today and tell her new stepdad to go away – she doesn’t like his rules. Add to this chaos the fact that the election of a new Pope, (Benedict XVI), has most of the world rivited to the tube and it is easy to miss the small things.

The problem is that some things simply are not small.

The tenth anniversary of the terrorist bombing in Oklahoma City is not a “small thing”!

and…

The 20th Hyjacker, Zacarias Moussaoui, pleading guilty is not a “small thing”!

We as Americans must – as we all swore oaths to a decade ago – never forget the 168 innocent lives taken by terrorist from right here at home. We must remember so we may continue to root out the cancer of Intolerence that would allow one American to inflict terror on his fellow citizens.

We must also never fail to take notice of what is happening in our Courts. We must pay attention so that those enemies of Freedom we find and bring to face Justice are not set free by frivolous “errors in proceedure”, or given insignifigant punishments by “Bleeding Hearts” wearing judicial robes.

It is said quite – often by us Veterans – that “Freedom isn’t free”. That is true. It is also true that “History forgotten is History that must be repeated”.

The deaths of so many innocent American men, women, and children is not the kind of History we can afford to repeat phyiscally, emotionally, nor spiritually. It is much easier to simply Never Forget.
Omar, out.

Another Murderer Escapes His Fate

Once again, the weak-kneed idiots in the Left Coast state of California have tucked their liberal tails between their Commie legs and have slinked into that dim corner where jurys with no backbone go when given an easy decision. Check it out…

NORWALK, Calif. â€??? A man who killed five of his children by lighting a charcoal grill inside his home and closing all the doors and windows was spared the death penalty by a jury Monday.

The jury decided Adair Javier Garcia, 33, should be sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Garcia was convicted of murder charges last month. Prosecutors said he tried to kill himself and his six children in 2002 to spite his wife, who had left him.

In a goodbye video to his wife, he said: “I just want to let you know this is the only option available. You’ve broken me. You don’t care, so I don’t care. … What I’m about to commit is the most cowardly, selfish act possible.“

The children, ages 2 to 10, were asphyxiated by the carbon monoxide. Garcia and his then-9-year-old daughter survived.

“I believe he should have had the death penalty for taking the lives of five children,” said their uncle, Art Arreola. “He doesn’t deserve to be on the face of this earth.“

‘The Bull’ believes as you do, Mr. Arreola. The bastard should die, and with any luck he will when he hits the General Population of whatever prison he ends up serving time.
Geez… My ex-wife broke me too. Emotionally as well as financially. She left me with nothing – not even hope for the future. She still trys to ruin me even after five years of divorce! Yet not once have I considered killing anyone save myself. Suicide is a viable choice for anyone for almost any reason, but the murder of a child has no validation. Period.
Die, you bastard!
Omar, out.

1962: Not all bad…

I promise, this it the last Blog Thing I’ll post tonight. I had to do something mindless while waiting for my pain meds to kick in. (Having a bad night here…)

In 1962 (the year you were born)

John F. Kennedy is president of the US

John Glenn becomes the first American in orbit when he circles the earth three times in the Mercury capsule Friendship 7

Cuban Missile Crisis occurs when Soviet offensive missile build-up is discovered

Cuban Missile Crisis is averted when President Kennedy and Soviet premiere Krushchev agree to remove missiles

Maryiln Monroe is found dead in her Los Angeles home

The drug thalidomide is recalled when it becomes linked with severe birth defects in thousands of children worldwide. (Hmmm….???)

Pantyhose becomes available for sale in U.S. department stores

Jim Carrey, Sheryl Crow, Jon Bon Jovi and Tom Cruise are born

New York Yankees win the World Series

Green Bay Packers win the NFL championship

Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley cup

Lawrence of Arabia wins the Oscar for best picture

The Beatles release their first recording: the single “Love Me Do”/”P.S. I Love You”

Johnny Carson debuts as host of The Tonight Show

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Omar, out.

My Irish is showing!

Here’s a frightening thought…
My Irish ancestry is showing through my Scottish! [insert full-body shiver here] Imagine the horror of that turned loose in Mobile, AL!

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!

You drink everyone under the table.

Who’s Your Inner European?

Omar, out.

Speaking of English – the language, not the assholes.

Here, Graumagus. Proof that ‘The Bull’ speaks proper American!!

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English

35% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Omar, out.

We have a Winner!

In a reply to my earlier Visual Quiz post, Pop submitted the following:

POP Says:
April 15th, 2005 at 12:24 PM

“Try the submarine escape training tower. Not enough in background to say New London, CT or Pearl Harbor, HI.”

Correct, Pop! This is the New London, CT Tower that now resides only in the memory of those who were baptized therein. Damned shame they have not rebuilt the thingâ€¦

Anyhoo, that means YOU get to post an article here on The Bull Speaks!. Anything you want – even commie-pinko stuff, if that is what you want. (Though you know Iâ€™d trash it in the article to follow!)

Email me your article and Iâ€™ll post it immediately upon receipt.
Congrats!!!

Omar, out.

My Unitarian Jihad Name

A cousin of mine sent this to me and I found it cute. Especially with the name I was given!!

My Unitarian Jihad name is Father Crimson Fire of Lovingkindness.
Take Unitarian Jihad Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey’s Name Generator Generator.

Father Crimson Fire of Lovingkindness, out.

A Contest…

Thanks to a timely email from the promoters of the contest I’ve thrown this blog, The Bull Speaks!, into the running for top honors in the Content is Everything contest.

Do I have a snowball’s chance in Hell of winning anything?
Of course not! Heck, I can’t leave my bloody blog alone long enough to win anything, even if it is based solely on content. (That fact alone probably nixes me PDQ…)

Yet stranger things have happened… Take for example the chances of a broken ol’ man meeting a woman like Lady Beth and then having the good fortune to marry her! Boggles the mind, it does. Anyhoo, these contest are fun and give everyone a chance to discover some excellent blogs and read new and different outlooks on Life today.

I’ll post more info, (and exciting new blogs), as I find it, (them).
Omar, out.

A Visual Quiz – but perhaps not fair.

Here’s one quiz I’m certain no youngsters will get – and perehaps many oldsters! Here’s a hint: If you were never in the Navy you can’t possibly know the answer.

Who can identify the object in the picture below? First one to get it right wins a Guest Post spot on The Bull Speaks! this weekend. Just leave your answer as a comment to this posting.

Here’s the picture…

Good Luck!
Omar, out.

Sometimes people seem like a bad idea…

Do you ever run up on someone who is so completely ignorant that they take on the semblance of wastefulness? No? Let me introduce you to one…

Here is an email from a guy on a list made up mostly of strong-willed Pagan women. See how many errors, in spelling, grammar, and plain ol’ thinking, you can catch.

that would be me

i make all kinds of comments and things that piss people off hurt
there feelings and just make people feel bad about themselves

thats just me what can i do

i can keep going i guess

i made a comment last week about the yahoo chat rooms
here is what i said

“yahoo webcam is prevert and ped-er-ass infested i took the dam
thing off
everytime i tried to chat on there it was always a sexbot 3000 or
faggots we sending me naked pics

not too mention all the fat women married who are begging to be loved

Sometimes people just want to talk to others without getting
virtually laid. and god forbib you tell them your an underage
person”

now it seems that the people in the board where i put this are
upset about the fat women comment

i told i should tell these peopl on that board how very sorry i am

thing is i’m not sorry at all not one tiny bit

if what i posted offended someone good
maybe it will motovate them to get off the couch put the bag of
chips down and do something other than sit in a computer chair and
cuss me for my views on the yahoo chat room

go ride a dam bike go play with your kids take a walk do something
to help your self not be a fatass if you feel you are one

That was the ENTIRE email. It was not edited in any way.

It took me a while to decipher this bloody email and figure out that:
a) it isn’t a joke, and
b) he’s serious.
That’s right. This guy writes something like that and really wonders why every woman – hell, every person – on the list is at his throat.

Since this original email there have been thirty some-odd more that have followed with this same guy trying desperately to pull his hind-end out of the bear trap he sat in and to come across as having some sort of intellect.

He is failing miserably.

Remember: a Pagan list. This is NOT someplace where words like “faggot” and “fatass” are taken lightly. Pagans take pride in being open-minded and not judging others on appearance or preferences. Then when it looked like he could not screw up any worse, he insulted a young man I have great pride and faith in – and – challenged me, ‘The Bull’, to a War of Words!

The “War” is but twenty minute old. He is bleeding profusely as I write this post to you, Dear Readers, yet he continues to send note after note. Only to be sliced again and again by my quick replies. How many more cuts can he take?

A better question might be: Is this person an example of our modern education system?
Let us pray not…
Omar, out.

More thoughts on “Hanoi” Jane Fonda

Hah! Here is *proof* that ‘The Bull’ is not alone in his distaste of “Hanoi” Jane Fonda! Get this from Mike Straka on todays Fox News.com.

Somebody Gag Me With a Spoon …

A tablespoon. No, make it a ladle. Ah, hell, why not throw the whole pot down my throat.

Am I the only one sick of hearing about how hard a life poor-little Jane Fonda had at the hands of her allegedly abusive husbands and her emotionally distant movie-star daddy?

Oh boo hoo hoo!

Did poor “Barbarella Arnold,” aka “Hanoi Jane,” suffer the demons of the neglected little rich girl, starved so much for attention that she engaged in sex with prostitutes, took part in orgies and hid her Christian faith from her â€??? she says â€??? philandering billionaire husband, Ted Turner?

With her book tour in full swing and appearances on everything from “60 Minutes” to “Good Morning America,” methinks we are seeing the prelude to the Paris Hilton of year 2040.

But wait, there’s more.

All of this publicity happens just as her “big Hollywood comeback” movie “Monster-in-Law,” with Ms. Box-Office Flop herself, Jennifer Lopez, comes out in a month.

And don’t be surprised when the fickle entertainment press praises this so-called “third act” of Fonda’s life, championing her talents and her tiny contrition for her “betrayal … to the country that gave me privilege,” as Fonda told CBS’ Lesley Stahl.

Privilege? I thought your life was so hard? Grrr!

LZIL: file not found:
/home/omar/public_html/wp-content/hanoijane.jpg

You ever notice that when people do something so incredibly stupid â€??? like take sides with their country’s enemy as Fonda did when she posed on an anti-aircraft gun with North Vietnamese in 1972 and went on to call U.S. pilots “war criminals” on Radio Hanoi â€??? when they want to make a career comeback and sell books, all of a sudden all of these horrible stories emerge about how depressed they were, or how screwed up they are sexually, or how they had a drinking problem or that they were bulimic or ignored as a child?

Just give me a break, Jane. Go away.

Damned skippy, Mike! In this man’s opinion the best thing for “Hanoi” Jane to do – if she *really* wants to atone for her actions in North Vietnam is for someone to find her hanging from a light fixture in her expensive home. Hopefully the knot will be made with the sash from her North Vietnamese clothing she wore in the pictures. That would be a satisfactory end to the entire affair.
Wait. Someone may think that I’m saying this will never end until or unless Jane Fonda commits suicide to repay her betrayal of this Country and her Veterans.

That someone would be right! Go ahead, Jane. Do the right thing.
Omar, out.

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