It had to happen.
It was only a matter of time. The pendulum can only swing so far to the Left before it makes a return towards the Right. Keep that in mind as you read on.
The greater Ecosystem of the Blogs is a very fertile land and when the PETA movement planted its seed in the Ether something was bound to sprout.
I seriously doubt this is what they had in mind…
… which, of course, is why when I stumbled upon The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns and learned of the horrors being inflicted upon veggies everyday – even here in America – I instantly became the newest PERV on the Web!
Our President, Samantha Burns, is a truly honest leader. So honest that at the PERV meeting on October 20, 2005 she publicly announced that two of our members had a scrape with the Law. Let me quote to you from the minutes of that meeting:
“Finally, we shall discuss the sad misfortune of two of our PERV members who were caught by Big Brother for decapitating and disposing of more than 80 varieties of veggies, much like PETA was caught euthanising and dumping about 80 cats and dogs in garbage bins. Similar to PERV’s belief about veggies, maybe PETA believes that it’s okay to be hypocritical about killing animals as long as you cuddle them while you’re doing it.
Much like the two PETA members, our faithful PERV members were charged with three felony counts of obtaining property by false pretenses (they promised to find the vegetables safe, new homes, but “killed” them instead) and 22 counts of vegetable cruelty (putting the poor veggies out of their misery by chopping them up and serving them in a nice steak stirfry).
Like PETA did with their members, though, we have bailed out our PERV members for $35,000 and will pay their legal fees. We will not be brought down by society. We must persist in the hypocritical protests that everyone’s come to hate.”
No cover-ups here! PERVs hide nothing!
Most recently PERV held elections for the Sexiest Meatatarians Alive. To announce the winners for 2006 I once again quote our ‘Fearless Leader’:
For Sexiest FEMALE Meatatarian:
When it comes to sexy meat eaters, there is none sexier than Angelina Jolie, according to our voters.
Gee, like we didn’t see that coming.
Congratulations Jolie, I’m sure there’s nothing the voters would like to see more than you slathered in BBQ sauce while downing a nice, juicy Kielbasa.
For Sexiest MALE Meatatarian:
…when it comes to manly meat eaters, nobody beats sexy Sam Elliot. The original voice of that mouth-watering tagline “Beef – it’s what’s for dinner” is the World’s Sexiest Meatatarian from the men’s category.
I don’t know about others out there, but I could certainly live with seeing Sam Elliot grilling up and serving me a nice plump steak in the buff.
She says it all so well, doesn’t she?
Folks, think about what you eat. Reconsider hedge-pruning. Put down the salad fork. Stop farming!
*Join the team of PERVs and just say no to plant life*
VIVA LA PERV!
Bull, out.
We need all the members we can get to wipe out all those disgusting veggie eaters. Ahhhh, I’m so frustrated by the abuse that I’m off to eat a steak with mushr… um, I mean steak, just steak, ya.