NO MORE PET ROCKS! (Satire by Michael Crabtree, Gulf Coast Association of Reptile Keepers member)

On April 30, 2010, the U.S. Senate and House voted on a bill that could prohibit the ownership, sale, and interstate transport of all rocks & stones. Government officials are concerned that exotic species of rocks could inadvertently be released into American ecosystems and potentially threaten certain rock types currently protected.

People have been keeping these rocks for years, but don’t realize how dangerous they can actually be,’ says a representative of the Dept of Conservation & Natural Resources, “There are several forms of small pebbles & stones, but some rocks can be quite enormous, usually referred to as boulders. These boulders are heavy, and require more than one person to move. An unwary person could stub their toe on one, or the rock could actually roll over and crush them unexpectedly for no reason. These are NOT pets.

Several geoculturist groups (hobbyists who breed and raise rocks, stones & boulders) are adamantly protesting this bill. “This bill could effectively destroy 30% of the world’s economy,” comments rock lobbyist Stanley Stone of the United States Association of Rock Keepers (USARK), “Many hobbyists enjoy the relatively easy care of pet rocks compared to other animals. Also, it is common practice to introduce rocks into enclosures of other animals for decoration, as all rocks co-exist peacefully with other pets. Geoculture represents about 33% of the pet industry, and even more for agricultural & industrial use. The Bill is not founded on anything scientific.

Many government officials disagree with Stone’s statements, and comment that in addition to their other concerns, rocks and stones could also be used as projectile weapons (often being hurled or thrown at an another person) and therefore, are not safe for human possession.


Sound silly?  Well, I remember my dear ol’ Dad telling me how the anti-gun lobby was just a handful of idiots that would never gain more than the restrictions on machine guns that was already in place.  Today my father would not even recognize this Nation as the one he fought for in WWII.  The government is already trying to outlaw all exotic animals by using completely unscientific data, scare tactics, and out-right lies.  What will come next is anyone’s guess.

Bull, out.

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About Bull

I am, first and foremost, the faithful husband of my wife, Beth. I am also the father to six wonderful kids, an American Gun-Owner, a priest (a Pagan variety), a Craftsman, a history buff (Scottish and American History primarily), a Freemason, and a US Navy Veteran. Due to simple bad luck in the gene sequence, I'm now disabled with multiple spinal issues. My previous career was in Property Management where I specialized in bringing problem apartment communities back to profitability. I once also built flintlock rifles, powder horns, and other items for hunters and Living History re-enactors. Today, I write, read, and do all I can to get The Truth out to my Community about Child Molesters, thieving local politicians, and Left-wing Liberal Loonies. When not involved in the above mentioned fight, I shoot as much as possible as a relaxation exercise.
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2 Responses to NO MORE PET ROCKS!

  1. Pingback: Magnavox $98 Blu-ray Player Reviewed

  2. Roy says:

    I could actually see this being passed, and some rock expert showing up on CNN…representing the Rock Foundation…discussing at length…rocks. Naturally, Fox would go to the opposite situation…and find their own anti-rock expert.

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