Humor | The Bull Speaks!

Ever Wondered What Terrorist Are Really Like?

Well, after watching the following video you will still not know! However, you will at least get a laugh out of poking fun at the Muslim ass-wipes.

Say ‘Hello’ to Achmed the Dead Terrorist, by Jeff Dunham. Enjoy!

What a great act!

Bull, out!

Captain’s Log: USS Jimmy Carter (SSN-23)

Ok, I know it is old. Over two years old in fact. It’s still funny, though, and worth the read. In a time when we all just wish this complete loser of a President keeps sticking his peanut-grubbing nose where it doesn’t belong, (i.e.: Anywhere remotely resembling foreign affairs.), nothing could be more appropriate. Thanks, Frank J. We really needed this!

Go to IMAO to read the entire post, but here’s an excerpt:

…being all that separates us from the sea.

I could never admit to the crew the fear I have, though. Sure, they all joke about how our submarine was hacked together by a group of volunteers on a weekend and how, with our nuclear power, we won’t have to wait in gas lines, but most are too young to really remember the unending horror that was the Carter presidency. Still, the crew all seems vaguely at unease, as if they’re in a… well… malaise.

It’s not like being named after that man is the mark of death, but…

* * * *

…the wound stings, but it’s only superficial. I have no idea how many rabbits are hiding aboard this vessel, how they got here, and why they are attacking everyone in site. The crew is spooked. They’re all taking it as a bad omen, just like how Ensign Chavez nearly choked to death on a peanut. Still, we…

* * * *

When you read the post in its entirety, please do NOT forget to read the comments. Let me show you a reason why…

Hey, I hear the ship’s first port of call will be in Iran. They stay there for 400+ days before the USS Ronald Reagan comes in and leads them home…

Too funny, but sadly, too true.

Bull, out!

Dante’s Inferno and Where The Bull Landed

It must be one of those days… I’m finding silly little things on the Web to take my mind off of the news about murdering cops and Paris Hilton being released. Here is the latest, found by my friend, Shawn the Stalker.

The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 – Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 – The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 – Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test

Zombies and Addiction

Seems that Yours Truly, The Bull, has only a somewhat better than even money chance of surviving a zombie attack. Mainly due to the spinal cord injuries. However, my prowess with martial arms of all periods would likely make the difference.

69%

And to prove just how sick The Bull must be…

81%

Bull, out.

End of Racial Strife?

Thanks to Texas Fred.

The Bull needed that!

Why Paddy’s Not at Work Today

Dear sir I write this note to you to tell you of my plight,
For at the time of writing it, I’m not a pretty sight,
My body is all black & blue, my face a deathly grey,
And I write this note to say why I am not at work today.

While working on the 14th floor some bricks I had to clear,
But tossing them down from such a height was not a good idea.
The foreman wasn’t very pleased, he is an awkward sod,
and he said I had to cart them down the ladders in me hod*.

Well clearing all these bricks by hand, it was so very slow,
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below.
But in me haste to do the job, I was too blind to see,
That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.

And so when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead,
And clinging tightly to the rope, I started up instead.
I shot up like a rocket, and to my dismay I found
That halfway up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well, the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped,
And when I reached the top, I banged the pulley with me head.
But I clung on tightly, numb with shock from this almighty blow,
While the barrel spilled out half its bricks some fourteen floors below.

Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor,
I then outweighed the barrel & so started down once more.
But I clung on tightly to the rope, me body wracked with pain,
And halfway down I met the bloody barrel once again.

The force of this collision halfway down the office block,
Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty case of shock,
But I clung on tightly to the rope as I fell towards the ground,
And I landed on the broken bricks the barrel had scattered round.

Well as I lay there on the floor I thought I’d passed the worst,
But the barrel hit the pulley wheel & then the bottom burst.
A shower of bricks rained down on me; I didn’t have a hope.
As I lay there bleeding on the ground I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel now being heavier, it started down once more.
It landed right across me as I lay bleeding on the floor.
It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say,
“I hope you’ll understand why Paddy’s not at work today.”

(A “hod” is a three-sided box for carrying bricks or other construction materials, often mortar. It bears a long handle and is carried over the shoulder.)

The MythBusters of the Discovery Channel tried to determine the truth of this story in Episode #3. “How about the story of the unluckiest construction worker on earth? A pulley system breaks down while he is lifting a barrel filled with 500 pounds of bricks. Will the barrel come straight down on the guy doing the pulling, or will he walk away without a scratch?” A fun show. Watch it!

Bull, out!

Cleared For Landing

Air Traffic Control down South in Atlanta, Georgia.

Atlanta ATC: “Atlanta Center to Saudi Air 911. You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R.”

Saudi Air: “Thank you Atlanta Center. Acknowledged, cleared to land on Infidel’s runway 9R. Allah be Praised.”

Atlanta ATC: “Atlanta Center to Iran Air 515. You are cleared to land westbound on runway 27L.”

Iran Air: “Thank you Atlanta Center. We are cleared to land on Infidel’s runway 27L. Allah is Great.”

Pause: STATIC………………….

Saudi Air: “ATLANTA CENTER! – ATLANTA CENTER!”

Atlanta ATC: “Go ahead Saudi Air 911.”

Saudi Air: “YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE!”

Atlanta ATC: “Well bless your hearts and praise Jesus. Y’all be careful now and tell Allah “hey” for us — ya hear.”

(Thanks, Pop! I needed a laugh.)

What Kind of Yule/Christmas

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Very Brady Christmas

For you, it’s all about sharing times with family.
Even if you all get a bit cheesy at times.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

Which South Park Kid is The Bull?

Which South Park kid are you most like?

Kyle

You are clever, and often come up with intelligent and funny comebacks to other people’s stupid remarks.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

I’m relieved! I feared it may have been Cartman…

Bull, out.

0415…

0415 and I’m up.

I was just over at Madfish Willie’s Cyber Saloon where Harvey posed a very good question:

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

Inquiring minds, and restless Bulls want to know!

Big Snails? I have the solution.

Seems that our friends in the Barbados are suffering from an invasion of enormous, crop-eating, snails.

The Bull says the answer is simple. Call in the French!

Finally, an enemy that the French could handle without having to surrender to and collaborate with in order to survive. Escargot for everyone!

Bull, out!

Latest Email Funny

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they
were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can
have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy
Land, for $150.” The man thought about it and told him he would just have
her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home,
when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only
$150?”

The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days
later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”

Virtual Moonbat Still Lives!

This thing has been around since November 2004 and it never gets old! It sounds so much like the Liberal Loonies that I can’t help but laugh. Enjoy!

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